I, Vampire

After seven hundred years, glam vampire Sterling O'Blivion worries the joy has gone out of life, until a knock-down brawl with Virginia Woolf in the ladies' room of a Chicago dance studio. But Woolf is really Benaroya, a dolphin-like alien anthropologist here to learn all there is to know about humanity and to fight the good fight against the evil, slave-trading Sajorians. Sterling falls madly in love with Benaroya. It's just the sort of romp an aging vampire needs—but first, to defeat the Sajorians, they have to sell millions of Famous Men's Sperm Kits to every woman on Earth.